


On The Other Side Of The Wall

by SadAmishPlayer



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cody ain’t feeling good, Depression, Lack of Communication, M/M, Sadness, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21973423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadAmishPlayer/pseuds/SadAmishPlayer
Summary: It was supposed to be a relaxing day off.It’s now just a depressing day off.
Relationships: Cody Ko & Noel Miller, Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 5
Kudos: 51





	On The Other Side Of The Wall

It’s Cody’s day off and as always, when he’s got time for himself, he goes to the beach. 

The beach is as close to heaven as he can get. It’s hot, it’s refreshing, it’s welcoming and so much more.  
Maybe because he grew up in an environment surrounded by snow and coldness or maybe it’s just the way he is. 

He doesn’t take his surfing board with him. Although that sounds like a fantastic idea, he damn well knows that he doesn’t have enough energy and this day is dedicated to restoring it. 

So here he goes, parking his car nearby and picking up his towel, he walks up to that blue ass water. 

By the time the author was done laughing at this smart reference, Cody chooses a spot to drop his belongings before undressing to his trunks and laying his towel on the sand.  
There is no wind, so no need for the “shoes and clothes at the corners” technic to avoid it flying away.

He pauses and stares for a little bit. He’ll never get over how beautiful nature is. Neither how peaceful the sea looks, how hot the sand feels under his feet or how the kids playing around seem to have the time of there life. 

All that makes his heart feel a bit too full. He’s blessed to still be touched by the simplest things in the world.  
Especially somethings he has seen more than a hundred times by now.

Slowly submerging himself into the water, it’s still pretty hard not to flinch when it’s so hot outside.  
He does the usual, which is swim about a mile or two and then go starfish mode at the surface of the water until he’s brought back to the shore. 

There isn’t much waves but from time to time, saltwater goes into his eyes or mouth and it stings a little but somehow, it feels kinda reassuring.  
The sun is blasting today which means he is currently getting sun burn.  
Drops reflecting the ultraviolet, turning his pale skin into red.

He walks back to his towel and lies there with the solo intention of drying off and heading back to his apartment but sleep claims him before he gets the chance to even notice his state of tiredness.

When he gets back to himself, the sun is no more than a semi cercle at the horizon, slowly going down.  
He watches this little spectacle happening right before his eyes, brain still kinda foggy but thankful he got to see that.  
Most people have already left so this feels like a private moment between the sun and himself.

On the way back to his car, his finds a little dinosaur plushie alone on the ground. A poor kid must cry so hard right now.  
It brings him back to his own child self refusing to do anything without his purple blanket. 

This wave of nostalgia makes his stomach stir and eyes water. 

“God damnit Cody! Stop being so hypersensitive about everything single thing in the world!”

As much as he hates it, the strong way he feels emotions is just how he is.  
A big softie. Or a pussy, depending on how you see it. Cody sees the latter.  
He sets the plushie by a building window and leaves. 

The car ride is slow but his thoughts are going at light speed. 

“Did the kid find his plushie back? Are his parents stressed out because of this? Does he actually care about it? Should have I taken it somewhere? Why do I care?”

He is lying. He knows why he cares. Kids are innocent and don’t deserve anything bad happening to them.  
He thinks of having some one day. 

Actually no, he dreams of having some one day.  
But the way he is, the way he chooses to live his life makes it a bit more complicated. 

In other words, Cody is gay and that wasn’t part of his life plan growing up.  
Where adoption or getting help from a third party has never been a problem, it’s more a “will I be up to standards?” type of worry.  
“How can I be strong for them when I cry at the drop of a pen?”

It’s those moments that kill him silently.  
That pressure on his chest, that lump in his throat, that racing mind...  
He pulls into his garage. Park, neutral position, hand break, engine off. 

“Why can’t I be normal?”

Suddenly, a sob escapes his mouth, tears spill down his face like shame overflowing.

He can almost see the disappointing faces that his parents have been giving him ever since he confessed.  
Feeling sorry for their son.  
It’s okay though, he feels sorry for himself too.

Resting his forehead against the steering wheel, he takes a deep breath and tries to compose himself.  
It was supposed to be a relaxing day off.  
It’s now just a depressing day off.

He whips his eyes, blows his nose and fix his hair that got ravaged by manic hands running through it and gets out of the car.  
Through the elevator mirror he takes one last look at himself.  
He really looks like shit.  
Still has wet eyelashes and puffy eyes. 

He doesn’t want Noel to see him like this.  
He doesn’t want Noel to be upset.  
So he practices a fake smile for a couple of minutes before exiting. 

He goes up to the door, opens it and has a weird feeling.  
Everything is quiet which is not usual for Noel. 

He drops his things on the spot to go look for him. Pretty quickly realizes the only closed door is the one to their bedroom so he gently cracks it open. 

A frown forms on his face from the lack of light inside.  
He squints to kinda locate Noel but figures he might be sleeping and even though he really wants a hug right now, he decides to leave the room and not bother him.

[Actually he is thankful, he’s got to deal with this by himself. He can’t just rely on someone to make him feel better about himself. He’s got to man up.] 

As he closes the door, Noel lets out the shaky breath he has been holding.  
Mission accomplished.  
Cody fell into his trap.  
He didn’t notice he was awake.  
At this slight relief, he smiles and turns his head back into his tear-soaked pillow, already starting to feel his limbs tremble again.  
He can’t put that shit on Cody.

On the other side of the wall, Cody is sitting on the couch.  
He downs a xanax with whisky, roll his head back and stares at the ceiling, almost moaning at the warm feeling claiming him.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote that shit during a long ass car ride 5 months ago and just found it in my notes so here you go.  
> Maybe I’ll write Noel’s part


End file.
